HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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