she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
