so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
