The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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