Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think your dad took our porno
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Randomize
