Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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