Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
