you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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