I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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