I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
