My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm both gender and math confused
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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