meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
