you would pick up someone in the library
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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