it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
