I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
