He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
