Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least š
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You couldnāt remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders āunlimited hand frittersā if they wouldnāt cut you off.
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