yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
