sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
