Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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