I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
