my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize