guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
