I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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