Me. At least after what I've been through.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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