Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
