sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
