Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
