She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm at about main and main street
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
