I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
