I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just gift wrapped bread.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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