a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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