Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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