Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
