i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
