I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
