Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
