guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
