I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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