that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
