so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize