He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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