Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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