I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
