my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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