So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
