There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize