It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
