I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
