i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
