giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
