thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
