please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
