she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
