Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
