he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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