you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
