youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Quick, to the slutcave!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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