my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
