I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
