I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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