i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
