so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize