just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
