now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
