well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize