Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize