i was born a porn star she said
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
