the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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