How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
