Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
