the condom got lost in my hair
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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