shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
