The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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