drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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