2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
