At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
