Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize