Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
