I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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