The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
