I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I didn't notice because vodka
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize