I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
me + whiskey = a bad person
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
