im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Quick, to the slutcave!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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