Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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