Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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