HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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