she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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