Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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