are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
