Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she pinky promised me she was 18
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
