I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
